My Purpose In Life…

For many years I had immersed myself into the pages of books. Volume that had fascinated me to the degree that I reread them countless times, little realizing that my own world was about to be undone. I saw my past emerging from the ashes wanting to relive its pain. Most of the time, there is no one to give us direction or ease us back into normality. By and large the world around us is uncaring, even hostile. We're all under the mercy of a whirlwind storm dragging us into a desert island and the task of surviving in such a harsh climate is up to us.

Every so often I believed that I was coming to some better understanding of my past, that I could begin to handle the memories, that the pain of my losses was diminishing and would no longer intrude on the present, only to find that the scars of my experience would remain for life. I feel renewed pain and anger whenever I see familiar faces. I identify with and recall pangs of farewell that left me stranded for a long time. Now, that pain is no longer valid. I fear no more because I have someone in my life.

I said it before that there is surely no coincidence in life. Yes, there must be a higher design behind it all. I dreamed for years of the person who would be my patner throughout my life, until I believed that I was pursuing an impossible ideal. Time and again I turned away in disappointment, remained lonely, but couldn't accept the idea that my ideals were transcending reality. And now, all at once entirely new vistas have opened up. New heights rise before me that I had never dared to hope for. Why that should have come to me I have no idea, for it is so much more that I deserve. I'm asking no questions, though, I only sense something intangible. I feel that our meeting was inevitable as the rising of the sun or the growth of a leaf of grass in the spring. Love is no conincidence!

Yes, I believe that we all pay a steep price to gain the formula for happiness. And I? I probably would never have found it without you. United with you, I'll be able to face whatever may come, and together we'll create our world, our life, only as it has meaning for us.

It seems fitting that I am commiting this to writing now, near year's end, the beginning of a new one. You see, this is no mere continuation of my life story. It is in fact the start of a brand new chapter. The future is filled with life's pages just aching to be filled. I could in arrogance work to write you in as a crucial character, a love interest perhaps or the object of some romantic tryst. But you, in all your simple yet undeniable splendor, you humble me. So instead, I am hoping that you would write the story with me.

I love you Lana. You are my purpose!