A Letter to Ayanna…

Early one morning many years ago, I stood alone at the rim of the Tali Cliffs waiting for the sun to rise. Gradually and majestically the darkness lifted on the horizon, and I stood in awe, watching the birth of a new day. Birds arose from the chasm, sweeping over the cliffs, screeching their haunting greetings to the dawn. I stood mesmerized, numb, feeling somehow that I was witnessing the dawn of creation. Now, I don't have to do this alone. I could be holding your hand, my dearie.

The playing field allows me to change my perception of an enchanted evening. A rush of elation would sweep through me whenever I realized that I was harnessing some part of what I felt. I easily look for bells and whistles over a simple smile. I was trying to whip feelings into form, and in a welter of emotions was groping for words that would set me free from the shackles of my limited knowledge of love. It took me a long time to get here and become a master of my own deck. Nevertheless, I'm here.

Ayanna, I promise that I shall never stand in the way of your happiness. Never! No one, certainly not you, shall suffer on my account. I assure you again that you bear neither responsibility nor guilt for the development our relationship has taken. I often feel so lighthearted in your company, so good, that I forget at times that soon we will have to part. You'll be pursuing your dreams in another land. I know you well enough by now to be sure that it will be hard to say goodbye. It won't be. I promise. I will be waiting. And if I can't stand longing for your touch I will be on the next flight without any regrets…

In life, I have learned that we must occasionally pause on that steep climb to whatever summit we are seeking, take a backward glance, and be grateful for how far we have come. I realized that the meaning of life was not gained at a summit, whatever the achievement might be. Summits tend to be windy, cold, and lonely. Nor have I found the answer to the meaning of life in the abyss of sorrow. The crest of my dreams during the years of loneliness were thoughts of an evening with you. Now you're here. Your dimpled smile brings light to my life. My heart speaks, "I won't let go."